We try our best when we want to help our children, but sometimes, due to lack of knowledge on the techniques to help them, we use our time unproductively, and we can create more frustration on our kids. The most important part of this message is that helping is not doing it for them.
Common mistake when helping our children include:
- State that we don’t remember
- Not thinking ahead
- Not using proper language
- Not giving positive feedback
- Doing the work instead of guiding them
- Telling our kids that we don’t remember something is very negative for their learning. They can assume that learning is not important, as you live a good life not remembering. You might not remember the details or procedure for a task, but the knowledge you acquired in school opened your mind to understand further knowledge, and is configuring the foundation of your reasoning skills and decision making. So, don’t tell your kids that you don’t remember. Instead, ask them to let you see how the concept is being taught, as procedures change constantly, and mostly in math education. Comments like “I see how you are doing this now” imply that you know; that you remember studying the topic. That creates confidence in your child.
- Do not jump into the assignment without clearly understanding what it is about. Think ahead, and then help. Read the assignment and make up your mind about how you would do it. Do not let improvisation and lack of understanding make you hesitate and show you are not sure how to do it. Afterwards, ask your child for understanding about what is the question to answer, what information is given to solve the problem, and, finally, what will be the right procedure to find the solution. You are helping your child to organize their ideas. Don’t give straight directions like add this and this number. That’s something your child needs to decide.
- Use formal and proper language when working academically with your children. Fractions do not have a top and a bottom. They have a numerator and a denominator. The Pythagorean Theorem has a name and a proper formulation. It is not a squared plus b squared equals c squared. If your child makes a mistake labeling the sides, the solution will be wrong. If your child insists in using not proper language, just repeat what they are saying in a formal way. You don’t need to get mad or tell them that’s wrong. Model and your children will learn from you.
- Give your child positive feedback throughout the process of completing the assignment. Do not praise them for wrong answers, but be positive telling them “you are almost there”, “why…? (pointing to where the mistake is)”, “I am sure you know how to do this”, and so on. Positive feedback will help your child keep focused. If necessary, give them rewards for their good doing. Help them develop self esteem and confidence on themselves.
- The most common mistake that parents do when helping their children solve math problems is doing the problems themselves. Guiding your child in their learning is not doing their work. Learning occurs when they are solving the problems. If you complete their work, you are taking away their opportunities for learning. Let’s see an example. A problem says: “Mary puts 2 apples in a basket, and John puts 3 more. How many apples are in the basket?”. Guiding your child will be asking what is the question? (the total number of apples in the basket), what information do you have? (2 and 3 apples). What do you have to do to solve the problem? (add 2 and 3, or sum). A wrong approach to help your child would be to ask: What is 2 plus 3? If your child is solving this problem, they most likely know already how to add two simple numbers. What they need is to be able to understand the problem, analyze the situation, and decide how they can get the solution. You can help with guiding questions, but never saying what to do.
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